I need an escape

I was lost.

I was in a black paradise I didn't know would've ever existed. There were dark clouds everywhere. The stares of the gray, angry skies bore into my back as I try to figure out where exactly I was.

Behind me was a forest with big, heavy trees and I couldn’t help but to wander—there was some sort of calling for me to. It must’ve been the wasps. If not, then it must be the wind itself.

As I walked through the rocky path further, I realized that I wasn’t alone. Looking at the landscape in front of me, I stood there and wondered what those people who were oblivious of my existence, were doing there. The faces were blurry, but I knew them. I knew them from my heart—they are those whom I’m always with; they are those who I adore most; they are those whom I love. They are the people who hurt me, too.

I stared at the man who taught me everything I needed to know. He taught me to be brave. In every trials and suffering, he told me that there’s always a way out. But at that time, I couldn’t really get out. He’s also the man I’m scared of most. He’s the only man who can probably make my heart fall into tiny pieces. He’s the man I can’t defend myself to. He’s the man who makes me so strong, yet so weak at the same time.

Leaning against a tall, old tree was a fair lady. She made me who I am today. She is the best one anyone could’ve asked for. But she’s still this person whom I get most of the pressure in life from. She can make my whole body tremble in a brief moment. She makes me cry. She gives me everything I need, but she also takes everything away from me.

Next to her was a boy a little bit shorter than me. I knew him as my frenemy; as that little prick who annoys me everytime. He turns my world upside down. He’s a quiet one, but a very mean one.

My ears perked up when I heard hideous voices—laughs and snickers. I followed the sound cautiously, like I always do. Near a muddy lake, there stood a group of different people.

They were acting like they didn’t see me, which I guess was very rare and unreasonable. That made me think how alone they can make me feel. These people are those whom I do crazy things with. But these people are also those who can leave me behind in one blink.

I felt a tight knot in my chest, thinking how being lost isn’t being alone—it is being puzzled, confused and lonely. It is being hurt, pained and wounded even in front of the people who, you think, love you back.

Sitting down on a sturdy stone, I looked up at the sky. Right then, I knew what I needed—someone who’d be with me through my deepest fears; someone who’d hold me tight when the tears won’t stop; someone who’d listen when the problems are spilled; someone who’d tell me everything will be okay when the world is breaking down; someone who’d care.

It wasn’t a dream. It was the reality. It was the reality of the world that I was trying to escape from.

And it has been finally chasing me.